Michele Stegman

This post came about after a discussion on a writing loop
about support or lack thereof. Specifically the word ‘porn’ was tossed around
and many authors weighed in on whether their husbands read their work or
supported them in general.

As I waited 25 years for the publishing roulette wheel to
stop on my name, I heard many a romance writer thank her husband for his
support. I won’t call mine UNsupportive, but he wasn’t particularly interested
in novels in general (prefers the newspaper and other sources of articles that
inform or offer perspective.) He didn’t know what to make of romance as a genre
and I was so defensive after my first few rejections he learned to never ask
about it—which was very supportive in his own way.

One thing I didn’t realize until quite late in my journey
was how important financial support was. We were a two kid family living near
Vancouver, Canada. That meant we were a two-income household and you can
imagine how many manuscripts I finished writing around work and children.

The rest of my family were good about listening when I
wanted to talk and respecting my need to retreat when I did. Which isn’t to say
they’ve never said anything I didn’t like. One incident happened recently and
when I called my family member on it, I was basically told to grow up and let
go of my old hang ups.

Which was an ouch of a moment, but it does allow me to bring
to this discussion a couple of learning points on this subject:

• We are never going to get ALL the support we
  need. Like parenting, this is our baby and at best we have some partners who
  help carry the load, but ultimately we’re responsible for keeping our own
  career alive.
• Sometimes we do need to grow up and quit being
  sensitive. Going on the defensive projects an image of lacking confidence in
  the choice we’ve made to write in this genre, or write at all.
• We can’t change the whole world. Yes, it would
  be nice to educate everyone on the fine lines between romance, erotica, and
  pornography, but good luck. There will always be someone out there who doesn’t
  know and doesn’t care. They might even be fans of your book!
• Wanting our spouse to be as engaged in our
  writing process as we are is natural, but it’s not realistic. We all have different
  interests. My husband loves playing guitar. I like listening to him play, but I
  have no desire to read music or even attend certain concerts with him. (Folk=
  yes, Metal= no way, Jose.)
• Writing is a job. We should expect our family to
  be excited for us when something big happens in our career, but only about as excited
  as they would be if you came home from the office to announce a raise or a
  promotion.

As I waited to sell, I often heard published authors talk
about how lonely writing can be. I had plenty of writing friends and often too
many commitments. Lonely sounded impossible! But I understand now what they
meant.

You want someone close whom you trust, like a spouse, to be
your sounding board, but unless they’re with you twenty-four-seven, they don’t
understand how each little decision impacts your career. Professionals like
editors and agents speak the language, but ultimately have their own interests
to protect. Even talking to other published authors is a lot like chatting to a
friendly face at the airport. Yeah, we’re both getting on planes, but we’re going
to different places for different reasons.

So I think support is ultimately something we can’t count
on, but need to be darned grateful for when we find it.

Dani Collins sold her first book to Harlequin Mills &
Boon in May of 2012 and had contracts for six books by the end of the year. Her
husband and children cook and clean, but refuse to pin, post, or tweet on her
behalf. They do, however, leave her alone when she enters her Fortress Of
Literature.

Dani’s current release, The Healer, is an epic medieval
fantasy romance from Champagne Books.

You can find buy links for The
Healer on Dani’s website or pick up The Healer through Champagne
Books, Amazon
US, Amazon
CA, Kobo,
or ARe.

Contact Dani through www.danicollins.com,
find her on Facebook
or follow her on Twitter. 

Remember the old James Garner movie, Support Your Local Sheriff? On one of the writers loops I am on we were discussing whether or not we had the support of family and friends for our writing. The answers varied widely but I was happy to report that I have had really great support from everyone I know.

When I published my first book I worried the most about what the people at church would think since it was a romance. But there again, I was given so much support.

My father used to lurk in the romance section of book stores and when he saw
someone looking at the romance books, he would hand them my book and tell them how good it was. I don’t know how many he hand sold for me, but I do know that he once actually signed a copy for someone as “the father of the author!”

Friends are always asking me what I’m working on and how the writing is going. Even my fellow artists in the Southeastern Indiana Art Guild encourage me to sell my books at the art shows.

My husband, skinny little thing that he is, tells everyone that’s him on the cover
and that (truthfully) he is the inspiration for every hero I write. And, of
course, he is my “patron of the arts.” He has supported me so I can
write and pursue creative outlets.

I have asked authors to send me their stories of support or non-support and I
have a few I am going to share here over the next few days. If you are an
author and want to share here, let me know!

If you are not an author, how do you support your local (or not so local) authors?
First, buy their books. Second, tell all your friends to buy their books.
Third, write a great review for them on Amazon or other places. Host us on your
blog if you have one. And finally, just tell us how much you have enjoyed our
books! I’d love to hear from you!

I have been playing piano for church for about eight years. I’m not very good at it, but it’s a small church and they were desperate. Recently, we got a new member and it quickly came out that she could play the piano very well. I thought I’d lost my cherished job until she also mentioned that she played the organ. Hooray! We could play together!

If you have followed any of my past blogs, you know I am going to relate this to writing somehow. Yep.

As the entire music department, I pretty much did what I wanted with the music. We sang the songs I picked, we sang to the tempo I played, and if I held a note a bit longer than it should have been held or hurried through a section, so what?

During one of our early practice sessions, the new organist said, “That one section, the timing…” and I knew I’d been had. She was right. I never held that note as long as it was supposed to be held. It had never mattered before. But now I was playing with someone else. I could just see my “report card.” “Michele does not play well with others.”

So I’ve had to pay more attention to timing. She is helping to choose the songs. She is playing the special music sometimes. It has been a very different experience for me. More difficult, but also more rewarding. It’s fun to play together when you both follow the rules. And it’s nice to know someone “has my back.” I couldn’t make it to church a couple of Sundays ago and she filled in nicely. If I miss a note, she’s got it. If she fumbles (rarely) I’ve got it.

Which, finally, brings me to writing. If you are at home writing all for yourself, a journal, perhaps, or a story that no one will ever see, it doesn’t matter whether you follow any rules at all. Do what you want. But if you want your work to be read by others, if you want to “play with others,” there are a few rules you need to follow.

The first set of rules is called grammar. If you want a publisher to take you seriously, you have to know how to punctuate. You need to know how to spell. You can’t use “thru” for “through” or mix up “there, they’re, and their.” You can’t (or shouldn’t) write things like, “where are you going to?” Ack!

Beyond the basics, if you want to get a romance published, it has to have an HEA–happily ever after. My daughter said she’d love a romance where the heroine dies at the end. Sorry, but that’s not a romance. It might have romance in it, but it isn’t a romance. (Sorry “Love Story” and “Romeo and Juliet” fans.) You don’t write a mystery where the killer is not found. You don’t write a thriller where the terrorists or bad guys don’t get brought to justice. Sure, you can break the rules, but if you do break the genre rules, it doesn’t belong in that genre. Try mainstream.

Beyond this, each publisher has their own requirements. “My sandbox. My rules.” They are not going to accept a story that doesn’t fit with their “brand.”

OK, there’s always self-publishing. Go ahead. But if you don’t follow the grammar rules, if you slap a romance label on it and don’t provide an HEA, don’t expect to sell very many books. And yes, I know there are exceptions to every rule. Rules are guidelines, not hard and fast. People break the rules every day and get by with it or make it big. I’ve broken them myself–on purpose. But just like Picasso, you need to be familiar with the rules and know what you are doing before you try breaking them.

It’s sort of like what I did last week in church. The preacher asked for a last minute substitution and when I started playing the song, it sounded even more awful than my usual playing. Suddenly I realized it was written in three flats and I was playing it in four. Ooops! By the time I recovered and quit floundering, the verse was almost over. That’s what happens when you don’t play by the rules. Who wants to listen to that? Thank goodness the organist got it right!